Robust verbs – Toetio

Original

There is a huge problem in Vancouver with heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits. The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything they can to stop the addicts. The problem is that there is a large crime rate due to the addicts. It is obvious that addicts have a hard time getting through their day to day lives. Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of the fact that they are using. By heroin users being addicted, they will do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug. The types of crimes committed are those of breaking and entering as well as stealing. There are no limits to where they will go to retrieve this drug so that they can feed their addiction. The problem with this program is that it won’t help to ween these addicts off using heroin. It is only trying to save the city from rising crime rates that they’re up to. By providing the drug, these addicts will be off the streets, which in turn will prevent them from committing minor street crimes. This will also keep the heroin users out of the hospital. It is pointless that the hospitals have to deal with people that want to use bad drugs or unsanitary needles and find themselves being unable to afford hospital bills and hard to cope without the drug. This program gives people free heroin in the cleanest way possible. This will in turn fix the city  but not the addiction that these people face.

Edited

Heroin addicts committing crimes to support their addiction is a huge problem in Vancouver.  The “free heroin for addicts” program offers a solution to these problems.  Heroin addicts live difficult lives because of their addiction, which makes Daily activities such as jobs and relationships hard to maintain.  Because heroin users are addicted, they will stop at nothing to get their hands on drugs.  Often resorting to criminal activities such as breaking and entering, as well as theft.  This program does not aim to wean addicts off of heroin, it is only trying to save the city from rising crime rates.  The program will appease the addict’s addiction which in turn will prevent them from committing minor street crimes while also keeping them out of hospitals.  This program is the most effective way to alleviate the issues caused by heroin addicts.

This entry was posted in Robust Verbs, Toetio. Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Robust verbs – Toetio

  1. davidbdale's avatar davidbdale says:

    Not bad.

    But three sentences in a row start the same way:

    This program does not aim . . . The program will appease . . . This program is the most effective . . . .

    Also, look at the missed opportunities to consolidate claims and use robust verbs:

    Because heroin users are addicted, they will stop at nothing to get their hands on drugs. Often resorting to criminal activities such as breaking and entering, as well as theft. 

    Could be:

    Addiction drives them to BREAK into cars, BURGLARIZE homes, and SELL their bodies for money to buy drugs.

    Graded. Eligible for revision and regrade. Remember to categorize as Regrade if you do revise.

    Like

Leave a reply to davidbdale Cancel reply