In Vancouver heroin addicts are committing crimes to get their fix. They’ll do anything to drive the high heroin gives them, even resorting to petty theft. This causes a the addicts to underperform in their daily lives. Their jobs and social lives are casualties to their addictions. In order to fix one part of the problem Vancouver introduces a program called “free heroin for addicts”.
The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything they can to stop the addicts, the only issue is that it perpetuates the problem. See as the name implies the program actually gives them the heroin in the vein hope that it will lower crime and heroin hospitalizations. That may seem a bit counterintuitive, and it is as the program also seeks to keep these people addicted out of the hospital and to stop crimes which it seems to do but there is no incentive for the program to actually get the addicts off their drug.
I’m happy to see you’ve created a post for this assignment, TPOT, but it appears you haven’t begun to make your improvements.
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This is a VERY STRONG version, ThatPersonOverThere!
—Brilliant! You’ve eliminated the unnecessary claim that Vancouver “has a problem” by simply naming the problem. Big improvement.
—Your “do anything” is weak, though. And your “even” indicates that petty theft is the worst “thing” they might “do,” which is not true.
—”This” is always a bad way to start a sentence, especially if it’s a naked “This,” as this one is. Your “are” is a weak verb.
—Your work here is still quite good, radically summarizing to replace way too many words in the original. I’m thrilled about those improvements.
—Three copy-edits for you: 1) you need a comma after problem, 2) introduces should be introduced, 3) the period belongs where? INSIDE the quotation mark.’
—If you can do so in a word or two, it’s not too early to specify what “part” of the problem Vancouver solves.
—As before, your “doing everything they can” is an unnecessary tease.
—”to stop the addicts” could VERY EASILY mean “to cure their addiction,” but you specifically DON’T mean that. Avoid that confusion.
—Because we don’t know what “the problem” is here, we don’t know what problem the program perpetuates.
—You’re unintentionally funny here, TPOT. “Gives them heroin in the vein” would mean intravenously injecting heroin. You mean “vain” hope.
—If the program were not already functioning, you could project its hopes, but in fact it does lower crime and hospitalization, so, be fair.
—Oddly, this sentence repeats the sentence above: a rare occurrence of wordiness in your already short summary.
—Above: “lower crime and heroin hospitalizations”
—Below: “keep addicts out of the hospital and stop crimes.”
I know that’s a lot of notes for a version I consider among the best I’ve seen, TPOT, but I want to urge you to be the very best, which seems to be well within your reach.
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