Visual Rewrite- Thatpersonoverthere

Lung cancer

This is an ad depicting the dangers of lung cancer, each match and the lighting of that match is intended to signify each time this person smokes.

.0 seconds a dark screen

.01 the dark screen is becoming illuminated and I see a semi realistic render  of  human lungs

.02-.03 There seem to be little hairs on the lungs. That reveal themselves to be matchsticks and one of them is burning. I guess it signifies the pain of lung cancer, every time you breath it feels like fire in your chest, or more accurately each time this person smokes.

.05 we linger on the singular burning match stick as smoke billows from it. 

.06 the lungs have turned from looking at each one small section of the ling which highlighted the singular match stick to include both sacks of the lung, both of which have small fires from their match adornment. 

.09 we see several more matches burn, this was achieved through a zoomed in scrolling shot along the lung,and we pull out so see that a large chunk on the top and bottom left are burning

.13 the entire lung is now burning and has begun to decay from the fire. The entire lung has blackened with large amounts of fire still covering the lung. 

:15 some matches have fallen out of the lung and one of them has fallen on the ground. The match that fell was still lit and the camera followed it to the ground. 

:18 the match falls over and once again we are greeted by the burning lungs, this time in the same dark lighting as the beginning.

:21 the lights gradually become brighter as we are revealed to be in a bright white room with several windows so that we may see the sun outside and the lungs now have the matches intact. perhaps the person is about to be saved from their torment. perhaps they can finally either stop smoking or take solace in knowing their getting some sort of treatment.

:24 and in this room there is an mri machine which I guess would be helpful in detecting lung cancer, we get to this machine through a transition in which we pass the lung. oue person is going to get screened for cancer using an mri machine, in a sience being saved by it as evident by the bright color change.

30 and our last shot is the mri machine with a graphic saying learn more at SaveBytheScan.org

Watching with sound made me realize they had a different intent in showing the lungs covered in matches as it pertained to smoking and lung cancer.  This ad only really works with the voice over, as the visuals themselves are confusing, and the sound of the striking match really hammers the point that this ad links to smoking and not breathing as I suggested when I watched this ad without sound. The narrator’s almost creepy whispery voice adds an air of spookiness to the ad. The true since of foreboding is only present with the vocals. And the part about detecting the cancer early is also integral to the ad.

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2 Responses to Visual Rewrite- Thatpersonoverthere

  1. davidbdale's avatar davidbdale says:

    This is a fair first draft, TPOT, but it’s unique in specific ways that will both challenge you and offer you unusual opportunities for this assignment.

    1. Your descriptions of the visuals made more sense when I watched the video. I admit I had very little idea what you were looking at when I read through your descriptions before watching. You’ll want to work on making your descriptions clearer.
    2. You might have to break the format a bit by introducing a general description of the entire visual experience BEFORE you launch into your second-by-second breakdown of the scene.
    3. This ad is particularly dependent on the voiceover, which you can discuss at length in the section you have started here called “watching with sound.”
    4. For me, at least, while the concept of the lung made of matches is brilliant, the execution is pretty weird. It’s hard to know whether we’re supposed to take the image seriously (like, for example, does the cancer spread from one spot to another like a match fire would?). And what is the significance of the lung completely disintegrating and spilling burning matches to the floor? Is that cancer spreading to other parts of the body? Even harder to follow are the transitions. Sure, we get that the one match (a spot of cancer) becomes many, but what causes the fire to clear about halfway through? And then the transition to the MRI in the room is even weirder.
    5. So . . . you don’t have to be impressed with the concept or execution. You could say, for example, that the ad ONLY WORKS with the sound and that the visuals, while interesting, don’t illustrate the ideas very well.
    6. One last thing, you DID UNDERSTAND that the burning matches represent the thousands of times the owner of the lungs “lit up” a cigarette, right?

    Was that helpful, TPOT? This has some good moments, but it’s far from as good as I think you can make it.

    As always, Regrades and additional feedback are always available following significant improvements to this draft.

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  2. davidbdale's avatar davidbdale says:

    Your additions improve the post considerably, TPOT. If you decide to revise further, you should concentrate or more thorough and accurate descriptions of the visuals. And, now that you’ve “pulled back the curtain” by listening and commenting on the soundtrack, you could interweave your visual descriptions with commentary on how differently they communicate with sound.

    Regraded.

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