Definition Rewrite-Hockeyfan

Hockey is a sport played across the world. It ranges from Town Leagues, to National Leagues. This sport is enjoyed by people all over, of all age ranges, but now it poses a safety question. Safety is defined as a condition of being protected or unlikely to cause danger, risk, or injury. Now you may be asking yourself aren’t all National League sports dangerous? The answer would be yes, however the statement I am making is that Hockey is the most dangerous. Hockey should be more regulated, as well as protected when it comes to the gear the players wear on the ice. 

Hockey is the only National League sport that involves a very sharp blade for the duration of the game. While the blade is not intended for misuse or injury, there have been times in which it has inflicted injury or even death. Adam Johnson, a former NHL player, tragically died on the ice after his neck was cut by a blade during a hockey game. The lack of neck gear provided during the game could have completely changed the outcome of this event, an act of safety is not something one would use to describe what happened. 

As a fan in the stands, imagine seeing your favorite playing bleed out on the ice due to an injury during the game. An otherwise healthy adult male bleeds out in front of 20,000 people due to a lack of neck gear. The trauma this not only causes the fans, but the families of the players this occurs to is despicable. The neck gear that could have saved this man’s life is not required by the NHL, had it been a life would have been saved among many others.

Most people enjoy watching a Hockey game not only for the love of the game, but for the thrill of it. It is an exciting part of the game when you see two players get into a fight on the ice. It is also reassuring when you see a Referee break up the fight before someone gets seriously injured, but that is not the case in all circumstances. An academic journal contained the story of how a Hockey Players career ended due to a fight on the ice. During this fight Steve Moore was struck in the back of the head then his face was pounded into the ice. The result of this was the loss of a career, and the penalty for it was a suspension and forfeit of pay. Had there been more regulation when it comes to the referees stepping, the injuries in this case would have been far less substantial.

The question we should ask ourselves is why there was no intervention while this was happening. The refs are there to regulate the game and make sure it is played correctly. They are also supposed to step in when a fight gets too intense. For this reason, there is no explanation to why no one stepped in, this caused something similar to a domino effect. A fight occurs, the referee does not step in, a player was seriously injured. 

Making a change to a dangerous sport is not something out of the ordinary. A rule was changed in the NFL relating to tackling and blocking. Prior to this change in 1968 there were 36 fatal injuries, as well as 30 paralyzing injuries. By 1990 there were 0 fatalities as a result of playing National League Football, this would be the first time there were 0 fatalities since 1931. 1 change in the rules changed the life of so many people and the people to come after them. A change like this in the NHL could result in a safer yet still enjoyable game.

Something the NHL has introduced is fines when you receive a penalty. Whilst this may make you not want to commit an act that could result in a penalty, it does not stop you from doing so. Therefore unless the penalty fines are so substantial in which it causes one’s concern of financial status it is simply useless. Most Hockey players make millions of dollars per season, so a fine costing a couple thousand dollars is not going to phase them. 

Sports is something that brings people together. This means that safety should be more of a concern when it comes to playing a National League Game. Dangerous is not a word that is used lightly, so that means when something is considered dangerous it should not be dealt with lightly. There are many solutions that could be put in the NHL world to just simply reduce the risk of fatalities on the ice. 

References

Archie, A. (2023, November 14). Man arrested in the skate death of former NHL player Adam Johnson is released on bail. NPR. https://www.npr.org/2023/11/14/1212945117/adam-johnson-hockey-death-arrest

Source 2: https://heinonline.org/HOL/LandingPage?handle=hein.journals/manitob31&div=19&id=&page= 

Source 3: https://journals.lww.com/cjsportsmed/fulltext/2001/10000/eliminate_head_checking_in_ice_hockey.1.aspx?casa_token=1t0OVlSATkQAAAAA:UYBBDx_vfwh_SYSLYb56thmMvNP0c8O_8LjnXwooMEg0Q8Ke9g9BDvaDi5ca1RwYAt-dPMp6DGIJRknueR7VxBuCdw

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4 Responses to Definition Rewrite-Hockeyfan

  1. davidbdale's avatar davidbdale says:

    Thank you for requesting Feedback, HockeyFan.
    Before I start, how much time are you willing to invest in revisions this go-round?
    —DSH

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  2. davidbdale's avatar davidbdale says:

    I’m hesitant to start without your commitment to the process, HockeyFan. Do you plan to spend as much time on your revisions as I do on your feedback? I’ll put in as many minutes or hours as you do.

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  3. davidbdale's avatar davidbdale says:

    Hey HockeyFan, you need a grade for this, and you didn’t ask for Feedback, and you haven’t responded to the questions I asked you above, so . . .

    I’ve added a RED reminder that your essay needs a Title.

    I fixed your non-compliant first Reference with one that meets our “house style,” APA 7th edition. Please do the same for all others to the end of the semester.
    https://www.bibguru.com/

    I might make a Note or two as I read your work for grading.

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  4. davidbdale's avatar davidbdale says:

    A few Notes:
    —You seem to want to squeeze three paragraphs out of one incident.

    Hockey is a sport played across the world. It ranges from Town Leagues, to National Leagues. This sport is enjoyed by people all over, of all age ranges, but now it poses a safety question. Safety is defined as a condition of being protected or unlikely to cause danger, risk, or injury. Now you may be asking yourself aren’t all National League sports dangerous? The answer would be yes, however the statement I am making is that Hockey is the most dangerous. Hockey should be more regulated, as well as protected when it comes to the gear the players wear on the ice.
    —Hockey is the only National League sport that involves a very sharp blade for the duration of the game. While the blade is not intended for misuse or injury, there have been times in which it has inflicted injury or even death. Adam Johnson, a former NHL player, tragically died on the ice after his neck was cut by a blade during a hockey game. The lack of neck gear provided during the game could have completely changed the outcome of this event, an act of safety is not something one would use to describe what happened.
    —As a fan in the stands, imagine seeing your favorite playing bleed out on the ice due to an injury during the game. An otherwise healthy adult male bleeds out in front of 20,000 people due to a lack of neck gear. The trauma this not only causes the fans, but the families of the players this occurs to is despicable. The neck gear that could have saved this man’s life is not required by the NHL, had it been a life would have been saved among many others.

    —It’s a good incident.
    —It follows a recommendation I have made that you find and share the human element in your work. I applaud the choice.
    —You don’t really need to Define “safety” as a general concept, but in the context of an NHL game, the Degree of Safety considered acceptable is very important to pin down.
    —You want to convince us that the NHL should “regulate” on-ice activity more carefully to reduce injuries?
    —Then, you’ll have to spell out what’s Acceptable now, what’s Unacceptable, what results in Penalty Box minutes, what triggers Game Expulsion, what a Suspension violation would look like . . . you get the idea.

    If you think from that sample of feedback that I can help you find the soft spots in your argument and improve your work, drop me about 30 minutes worth of Significant Revisions into this draft.

    MAKE ALL REVISIONS TO THIS POST, leaving your original Definition Argument unedited.

    Provisionally graded at Canvas. Regrades and additional Feedback Please are always available following significant revisions. You owe me 30 minutes before asking for either.

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