I was assigned section 1
Brannan Vines has never been to war. But she’s got a warrior’s skills: hyperawareness, hypervigilance, adrenalinesharp quick-scanning for danger, for triggers. Super stimuli-sensitive. Skills on the battlefield, crazy-person behavior in a drug store, where she was recently standing behind a sweet old lady counting out change when she suddenly became so furious her ears literally started ringing. Being too cognizant of every sound—every coin dropping an echo—she explodes inwardly, fury flash-incinerating any normal tolerance for a fellow patron with a couple of dollars in quarters and dimes. Her nose starts running she’s so pissed, and there she is standing in a CVS, snotty and deaf with rage, like some kind of maniac, because a tiny elderly woman needs an extra minute to pay for her dish soap or whatever.
In this beginning paragraph of the first section there are a couple different claims that could be made. The first claim is a categorical claim. This is because it describes some of the side effects that Brannan is dealing with like hyperawareness and hypervigilance. Causal claim is also presented in this paragraph. The author describes Brannan getting very angry just because an old lady is taking an extra minute to pay. It states that she has never been in a war but getting furious over minor happenings.
Brannan Vines has never been to war, but her husband, Caleb, was sent to Iraq twice, where he served in the infantry as a designated marksman. He’s one of 103,200, or 228,875, or 336,000 Americans who served in Iraq or Afghanistan and came back with PTSD, depending on whom you ask, and one of 115,000 to 456,000 with traumatic brain injury. It’s hard to say, with the lack of definitive tests for the former, undertesting for the latter, underreporting, under or over-misdiagnosing of both. And as slippery as all that is, even less understood is the collateral damage, to families, to schools, to society—emotional and fiscal costs borne long after the war is over.
In the second paragraph of section one the author has multiple claims. The first one is factual claim because it uses numbers to show how many soldiers have been to Iraq or Afghanistan. The paragraph also explains how many come back with PTSD. A moral claim is also being used because the author says that many do not understand the collateral damage that is done to others by one person with PTSD.
Like Brannan’s symptoms. Hypervigilance sounds innocuous, but it is in fact exhaustingly distressing, a conditioned response to life-threatening situations. Imagine there’s a murderer in your house. And it is dark outside, and the electricity is out. Imagine your nervous system spiking, readying you as you feel your way along the walls, the sensitivity of your hearing, the tautness in your muscles, the alertness shooting around inside your skull. And then imagine feeling like that all the time.
In the final paragraph of section one the author describes PTSD in a couple claims. The author uses definition claim in the first sentence saying that Brannan has a symptom of hypervigilance that helps her in life-threatening situations.The bad part about having this is that sometimes the person has this feeling twenty four seven. An illustrative claim is being used because the author illustrates a situation where Brannan’s hypervigilance can help her in a horrible situation.
You didn’t ask for feedback, RavensFan, so I’ll restrict myself to remarks about your last section only. You’ll decide for yourself whether the improve it (or all your sections on the same model) for grade improvement.
Like Brannan’s symptoms. Hypervigilance sounds innocuous, but it is in fact exhaustingly distressing, a conditioned response to life-threatening situations. Imagine there’s a murderer in your house. And it is dark outside, and the electricity is out. Imagine your nervous system spiking, readying you as you feel your way along the walls, the sensitivity of your hearing, the tautness in your muscles, the alertness shooting around inside your skull. And then imagine feeling like that all the time.
—”Like Brannan’s symptoms” is a clear sign of a Comparative claim.
—In this case, it’s also Categorical, since Brannan’s symptoms are categorized: emotional and fiscal costs borne long after the war is over, AND they’re compared to the symptoms faced by returning traumatized combat vets.
—Highly Evaluative (and Judgmental). It decides FOR THE READER that hypervigilance sounds innocuous. It’s about to declare that it’s not innocuous, so it judges the reflex reaction to be incorrect.
—Evaluative. Categorical.
—A Proposal claim (Let’s imagine, you and I.)
—Highly Illustrative.
—Again, Proposal.
—Plus, Illustrative.
—Plus Categorical in the way it enumerates the symptoms of Hypervigilance in this fictional murderer-in-the-house example.
—Plus Comparative, since the whole example functions to illustrate to the reader a feeling that would COMPARE to how a PTSD sufferer feels most of the time, even in the absence of real danger.
—Nails down the Illustration AND the Comparison.
Provisionally graded. Revisions are always advised, and regrades are always available following significant improvement.
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