Titles that start the argument
Imagine if the show had been called The Thing Most People Don’t Know About Buffy. She seems to be a normal, awkward high school girl, but after classes she’s up most of the night slaying vampires.
Question: Shouldn’t we tell our readers that one fact about her, if we can, before they decide to spend their time somewhere else?
Answer: Yes, we should.
To what degree do the following titles achieve the clarity and impact of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
- Let’s Make It Harder to Shop By Having Too Many Options to Choose From
- Needs a Title
- Macronutrient Management
- Child Euthanasia Will Not Increase Child Deaths
- Needs a Title
- The Protein Supplement War
- Spectators Cause Elephant Cruelty due to the Thrill of the Show
- Needs a Title
- How Health Care Affects Prescription Statistics
- 28 Billion Dollars Worth of Lies
- Happiness Cannot be Found
- Suicide Ride—Switching the Railway
- PTSD Brings the Battlefield Home
- Choose the Right Door: Understanding the Monty Hall Problem
- Should I even want to be happy?
- How to Live Forever . . . or Longer
- Needs a Title
Can we improve just one?
Suppose instead of that informative but longish explanation about the cause and effect relationship between the spectators at the circus and the treatment of the elephant performers, we titled our article:
- The Cruelty of Watching
I think that might sufficiently intrigue readers to make them read the first sentence. Once they start, the job of the first sentence will be . . . . (say it all together, please):
Get them to read the second sentence
Which one does a better job?
Version 1. One of an American’s favorite pastimes is taking the family out to one of the most spectacular shows on earth, the circus.
Version 2. Elephants wouldn’t be slaughtered for their tusks if the Chinese didn’t buy tons of ivory.
Which is the better second sentence?
Version 1. One of the most popular acts of the circus is when the large elephants, completely obedient and organized, dance and even balance on one foot raising their two front feet in the air.
Version 2. And the same gentle beasts wouldn’t be starved, or disciplined with cattle prods, if we didn’t pay money to see them dance in tutus.
EXERCISE 1.
- Visit the Causal Argument or Rebuttal Argument post of any one classmate (or more if you like).
- Read the argument carefully to understand its most potent and provocative claim.
- In the Reply field, offer a title (or if there is one already, a substitute title) and the first sentence of a revised first paragraph. (Or the first two or three sentences if your revision requires slightly more words.)
EXERCISE 2.
- First complete Exercise 1.
- Then return to this post and rewrite as many popular culture titles as you like (Movies, TV shows, Books, music CDs) in the Reply field, one title per Reply.
- If the original title is horrible, improve it.
- If the original title is already genius, suckify it.
- Provide only the rewritten titles.
- Invite your classmates to guess the originals.
The Gamer 2.0
SleepyCat
Coffee Lover 03
doglover7025
Snowman10
excellentstudent27
Gymrat
hockeyfan
holistic25
ilovebeesss
ilovemydog
The Gamer
Naturechild101
BreakingBad45
ravensfan8
temporal111
thatpersonoverthere
toetio
username1132005
Calm&Patient
webbwrestler135
Counterintuitive Spring 2024 
Album Title (suckified) – “Using Someone’s Born Talents For Your Own Monetary Gain”
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The Prison Stories of a Wrongly Convicted Husband
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Shawshank redemption
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Movie Title (suckified) – “The Man in the Scorpion Jacket”
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Jewels and Vincent
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Exercise 1
Clean Addicts Receive Free Heroin
Clinics in Vancouver offer free heroin to stop using and become clean.
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suckified movie title- ‘America beats the soviets in hockey’
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Miracle
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Movie Title (suckified) – “The Big Green Lonely Savage”
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The Grinch?
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The Incredible Hulk
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Shrek
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“Investors Dream”
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Movie Title (suckified) – “Giant Spaceships and Laser Swords”
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Spaceballs
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Suckified: “The Adventures of a Rich Guy Afraid of Bats”
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Adam Sandler is in it…
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I was thinking Batman…
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A big black guy with special powers who is on death row
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Green Mile
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Suckified “How Two Strangers Become Close Brothers”
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Stepbrothers
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A general who does nothing wrong but gets made a slave and has to fight for his freedom
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Gladiator
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(Show title suckified) “Badass Breaks Out of Prison”
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Prison Break
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Suckified: “Your High School Stereotype May Not Define You”
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Breakfast Club?
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yes!
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Happiness catches up
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Nerd Herd Associate Turned Spy (TV Series)
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Movie (Suckified) – Drugs, Sex and Money
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The Wolf of Wall Street
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Yes.
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Movie Title (suckified) A College Students Unhealthy Obsession with Toys
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A Husband Telling His Kids the Story of How He…
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A Million Ways to Die in the Old West (already sucky)
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Stealing Lots of Cars in One Night
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Cars Powered by Exotic Liquids that Drive Quickly and Almost Angrily 6.
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Movie (suckified) — Guy gets tricked into leaving the galaxy, could have gone back home the same age as his daughter.
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Interstellar
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1. Stuck on a Magical Island with Angry Monsters and Time Travel
2. Too Angry to be Quick
3. World of Primates
4. Alien Cars and Trucks that Look Like Robot Humans that are Really Tall
5. Dreams within Dreams within Dreams within Dreams where People Die: Spinning Tops
6. Really Old Big Ship is Attacked by Killer Iceberg
7. Dinosaur Place of Recreation
8. Patriotic Guy Shoots Things
9. A Few Swatches of Grey
10. A Team of People who Avenge Us
11. The Flash, but Not Gordon
12. Girl is Different: People Die
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Games Lacking a Buffet
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Nice one.
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