Throat Clearing

Even good writing can be slowed down by the perceived need to prepare readers for the point that is about to be made. Such preparation is the written equivalent of clearing our throats, which should be done offstage before our big entrance, or in this case, practiced and discarded in drafts.

Example of throat clearing:

The cruel murder of the 12 employees working for Charlie Hebdo magazine was devastating, but also brought unexpected positives to a dark situation. On January 11th, 2015, over 2.5 million people and over 40 world leaders, met in Paris for a rally of national unity. People from all over the world showed empathy and compassion for the victims and the victims’ families.

Throat clearing eliminated:

The cruel murder of the 12 employees working for Charlie Hebdo magazine was devastating, but the outpouring of compassion for the victims and their families was an unexpected positive in dark situation. On January 11th, 2015, over 2.5 million people and over 40 world leaders met in Paris for a rally of national unity.

In other words, instead of first introducing the vague idea that positive outcomes resulted, then naming one of them, give the example immediately, identifying the category only if it serves your needs.