Visual Rhetoric Rewrite — Entendu

Staying Alive

Drunk Driving Prevention – Skeletons

The ad starts with a car driving past the screen as it pans to a club or a bar, crowded with young adults drinking and having a good time.  Two teenagers are standing next to a red car, between two cars that are parked.  They are standing close to each other with the door open.  The song “Beat IT” by Michael Jackson is playing in the background.

The words “Come on John” are heard off-screen as a young couple looks for the source of the voice.  A boy, wearing glasses with black hair, is standing with his girlfriend whose face seems worried as she turns to look at him. The boy says “Just get in we’ll talk about it” suggesting the girl does not want to stay out any longer and her boyfriend is pressuring her.  He moves his head in a convincing manner and looks her right in the eyes.  She tells him “I’ve got to go home”.  He grabs her chin and kisses her.  Another girl with black hair gets into the car as she tries to persuade the girl a bit saying “Come on Carrie, we’re going to a new place.  She is holding a beer in her hand and she opens the door and squeezes into the car. The camera follows her in the car as the three teenagers sit down.

Another boy in a red varsity jacket walks up to the car, leaning on the door as he smiles and talks to his friend.  He jokes “She wants to go home right?” as they both laugh and smile at each other.

His friend recklessly gets into the drivers seat as he hands the girl his beer in a not very gentle way, almost hitting her in the face.  She turns and grasps the beer in her other hand.  They are all smiling as he grabs the steering wheel and they look forward.

The boy in the back seat leans up and asks if his friend is okay to drive, concerned. He replies that he is fine as a view of his face is displayed.  His friend still leaning up, grabbing the seat from the back asks if he is sure.  The drivers eyes are barely open as he shakes his head reassuringly and rhetorically asks “Whats a few beers?”.

The two in the back seat are smiling.  The boy, now sitting back, is holding a beer in his left hand, wrapping his other arm around the girls shoulders covered with long blonde curly hair.  She leans into him as he lays back more.  The camera pans to the front seats now.

A narrator is heard “If you don’t stop your friend from drinking and driving…”.

The driver is focused on the ignition while the girl is still holding two beers.

The driver momentarily struggles to get the key in the ignition.  As soon as he does, he turns the key with no hesitation.

Light flickers and thunder is heard as a bright light is shown through the back window. The two in the back seat are seen as they were, leaned into one another, no seat belt.  The only difference is now they are bone structures.  Thin gray pieces of bone pieced together, no flesh.

The narrator completes his statement “you’re as good as dead”.

The driver, still wearing a varsity jacket, is holding his hand on the steering wheel as he looks directly forward, once again he is just a bone structure.  The passenger is seen holding a beer and turned, as if she was talking to the people in the back seat.  They are all nothing but skeletons.

A skeleton hand is seen shaking a human hand as the words “Drinking and driving can kill a friendship” are displayed as well as heard.  The human hand grabs the skeleton hand like any other handshake.  Once the grasp is completely, the hands stay still.

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5 Responses to Visual Rhetoric Rewrite — Entendu

  1. entenducomp2's avatar entenducomp2 says:

    May I have feedback just to see if I did this correctly, please?
    Feedback provided. —DSH

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  2. davidbdale's avatar davidbdale says:

    This is a good start, entendu, but there’s a serious problem you need to address in your rewrite, and certainly before this gets into your portfolio. Much of what you say about the ad involves the sound track, not the visuals. As an ad analysis, it succeeds to a certain degree. As a visual analysis, it’s less successful. If this ad in fact presents most of the important material as text, voiceover, or scripted lines, it may not be a particularly successful visual argument; more precisely, it may not actually BE a visual argument. Ask yourself this: if I read the script for this ad, complete with the “stage directions” to indicate the actions, what would be missing? How does the addition of the screen material make the ad more persuasive?

    That said, there’s no reason you can’t use this ad for a visual analysis, as long as you analyze both what the visuals DO accomplish and what they DO NOT, or what they are not asked to accomplish.

    You might try an innovative approach (although it will be hard to forget what you know about the soundtrack). Consider describing the video muted. You won’t know that someone has said, “Come on, John,” or that “Beat It” is playing. You’ll have to guess that the girl wants to go home from facial expressions and body language. It will make you more attentive to the visual clues. Does the driver’s hand shake when he searches with the key for the ignition, indicating his unfitness to drive, for example?

    Then you can either supplement your analysis by adding what you learned from the soundtrack, OR you could conclude that the ad, purely as a visual, fails to be a persuasive argument. Your call.

    Grade Code 8Y1
    Critique the critique: If you appreciate receiving feedback, entendu, please reply to indicate whether you found the critique helpful or not, and if so, how it was helpful. Of course, if it wasn’t helpful, you should also explain how I failed. Thanks!

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  3. entenducomp2's avatar entenducomp2 says:

    I did not realize how much more I focused on the audible part than the visual part. I was confused on what the assignment should have been like so now my rewrite should be a lot better now that I know to focus on the visual. This feedback definitely helped greatly thank you very much!

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  4. entenducomp2's avatar entenducomp2 says:

    I actually did my rewrite and saved it over the old one by accident a while ago. How can I fix this? Do you want me to just save this as Moving Image Rewrite or is there anyway to get my old draft back?

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  5. davidbdale's avatar davidbdale says:

    Your old version is always available in Edit (classic version). Scroll to the very bottom of the page and you’ll find a time-and-date-stamped list of links to every draft. If you can find that, you will be able to cut-and-paste this revised version into a new post titled Visual Rewrite—entendu, first. THEN revert this post to the original. Does that sound manageable? If not, I can do it for you.

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