At the beginning of the video there is a man riding a little rocking horse in the park. He has the complexion of a Latino and the way that he is enjoying the ride gives the idea that he is mentally challenged. In addition, by his clothes, we can say that he is not working that day and that he is not a person with money.
A female sits on a park bench. We see the female between some bars of one of the attractions of the park; probably the mentally challenged man is looking at her. Moreover, she pulls a stroller where she has her baby, which by the blue color of his bottle can be predicted to be a little boy, after she was looking at something probably was the man with the complexion of a Latino. The woman probably felt threatened by the man because a man who is alone at the park can be a kidnapper, but she stayed seated; therefore, I assume that the man on the rocking horse was not a danger for her and her child, or he was not alone after all.
In another place appears a White man sticking his nose into a glass. The glass has a sign that says “hot dogs,” but facing to the side where the man was standing; therefore, I can say that he was buying something and acting crazy because he saw something he might like to eat or he wants to bother whoever is on the other side. The White man doesn’t look homeless; as a result, I can predict that he is not acting strange because he is in need of whatever he is looking at. As the man plays with the glass, another gentleman with glasses from inside the counter looks at him, maybe asking himself what the White man was doing.
A third scenario appears, where a dark-skinned man with a blue shirt and a tie is jumping on a trampoline placed in the yard of a house. While the man jumps full of joy, a female stares at him, but in this case we never see the female’s face. In his excitement, the man makes a hand position of a ballerina.
A little girl around three years old appears, laughing and looking at the man with who was playing with the glass. At this point, it is evident that the White man wasn’t being immature, but making a little girl laugh; this little girl might be his daughter or someone else’s child. More important, he is making funny faces to at this girl, whose relationship with the man we don’t know; therefore, molesting the small girl might be one of the reasons why the light-skinned man makes funny faces in order to earn confidence from the girl. From the complexion of the girl, it is not likely that she is related to the seller, who is Black and indeed sells candies. After the girl started laughing, the candy man understood that the silly behavior of the other gentlemen was to make the little girl laugh. Nevertheless, reacting positively is a clue that the candy man saw the white man arrive together with the girl; otherwise, the candy man would have made faces of discomfort when he saw the white man making silly faces to a little girl.
Then, once again, the man with aspirations of to be a ballerina appeared, but this time with a little boy. Then, as the video almost ends the man from the park is shown with a kid from six to seven years of age.
After I saw the entire video, I replayed the video with sound and in the background of the video a male voice confirms that all the gentlemen are the fathers of the kids. I started to make my own observation for each father and environment that surrounded them. For example, the fact that the man in the park who was so happy with his kid and made the young woman, who was looking from the distance, get her baby close to her, brings me the idea that she was surprised because usually the mother of a family takes the kids to the park. Even deeper, from the size of the kid we conclude he should be in school, and because the man doesn’t appear to have an easy job, we can assume that it is the weekend. Therefore, I would ask myself, why isn’t the kid’s mom there? The mother of the kid riding the rocking horse is expected to be there. As a result, I think that the man in the park is a single parent, is getting divorced, or is separated from the kid’s mom and this is a weekend visit. Even better, the young mother pulls her son close to her because she might wish that the father of the kid was there because her role in the video might be to show the absence of the fathers in the daily life of a child.
As for the man buying the candies, he looks like a driver, but more interesting, why is the mother of the girl not there either? More than in the other two cases, the mother of the little girl needed to be there because going to an amusement park is not something that happens often in a family. I assume that the man and little girl were at an amusement because a little store to buy candy is something seen at fairs and amusement parks; elsewhere there is no way to survive as a candy seller.
The man with the tie really called my attention, not only because his clothing is of a person with a good job and his house shows that he lives comfortably; but also, because he started imitating a ballerina when he was with his son. Being part of a tea party, nail panting or even dressing as a princess are sacrifices of a father with a daughter. However, when fathers spend time with their sons behaving like a girl is unusual. Therefore, I assume that the well-dressed father might be homosexual. Also by pretending to be a ballerina, the man makes his son his priority by ignoring what his neighbor might think of him by acting as a ballerina.
As the video’s narrator says, “Sometimes all it takes to be a dad is remembering how to be a kid again,” is the best way to interpret the message of the video. Nevertheless, showing how fathers of different social status, probably single, homosexual, or not living with their children are capable of making their kids happy is the takeaway message of the video.
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Counterintuitive Spring 2024 
Feedback requested.
Feedback provided. —DSH
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albert, you’ve done a good, thorough job of analyzing the visual elements of the video you selected, but you’ll want to do substantial revisions before you submit it to your portfolio.
I’m going to break with my own tradition and begin with global comments (overall essay) first, then offer some local (paragraph and sentence level) feedback. My hope is that while revising to respond to the global critique you’ll make enough changes so that the smaller local blemishes will disappear. Once the post shapes up, we can concentrate on minor copy-editing matters of grammar and punctuation.
Global comments:
The greatest strength of your draft is that you draw so many conclusions from the visuals, or at least you suggest many possible implications of the visuals, most of them quite intriguing. You also make it clear that you are paying close attention to what you are shown. As you revise, you’ll want to provide more answers and fewer questions; even if you’re conflicted about an interpretation, you need to identify the most likely intention of the filmmaker, then analyze whether the visual communicates effectively what the maker intended.
Your description of the white man making faces, for example, is very confusing. You say he’s acting crazy, that he might be hungry, that he doesn’t look hungry, and that he isn’t acting strange, all in two sentences. Maybe you mean that the visual can be interpreted in two (or more) ways. That’s acceptable. 30-second ads very often try to surprise us by giving us false impressions of what we’re watching, then showing us that we were prejudiced. They deliberately mislead us by inviting us to draw untrue conclusions based on our first impressions. If you think that’s what’s going on here, you should explain that.
Your language use often gives the impression that you’re writing in a language that is not your first. If I’m right about that, I hope you won’t mind if I offer idiomatic revisions occasionally. For the most part, I’ll wait to do so on later drafts, when I know the “acquired phrases” would be more likely to make it into your portfolio.
Local comments:
—When you say a man is riding a little horse, albert, we don’t visualize a piece of playground equipment; we visualize a live pony. Be specific in your description so that we get a clear picture even if we’re not looking at the video.
—You mean he has the “complexion” of a latino.
—When you say “pulls a cart where she has her baby,” we don’t see a stroller, which is what you mean. It’s important that she is seated, and that she is facing the stroller when she pulls it closer to her, isn’t it? Her gesture is protective, it seems to me. She perceives the man as a potential threat. Is that possible? We don’t know if the man has company. When men play alone in a playground, the mothers get very nervous. See what I mean?
—Have you noticed that both the man on the playground horse and the man making faces on the glass are observed by adults and thought to be strange? You mention in the third scene that a female observes the man on the trampoline also. What can you tell us about the purpose these characters serve? In effect, there are six members of the cast: one “dad,” one child, and one observer for each scene. Describe the dynamics of those roles.
—When you tell us what we learn from the voice-over, you’re cheating on your visual analysis. First describe the entire ad as just a series of images. Later you can tell us what the sound track adds that enhances or explains the visuals.
—Your ruminations about the presence or absence of mothers in these scenes is very interesting. I imagine the woman in the first scene is there deliberately to suggest parenthood, and to show the expected situation: a parent comes to the park with a child, not alone to play on the equipment. Decide for yourself which interpretation you believe to be correct about that woman (is she related or not?), and then analyze whether the video achieves its intention. (It’s possible your interpretations of her are all correct, but my guess is that the video is not about her at all; she’s there to be an observer of the dad.)
—Here’s an interesting question: if the video showed mothers together with their children, would you be asking yourself “why isn’t the father of the girl there?” The fact that you wonder where the mother is must be significant. Is that part of the point the video is making? We expect mothers, not fathers, to be the caregiving parent?
—Your speculation about the ballerina dad’s sexuality is fascinating and never occurred to me. I took the gesture to mean only that he was willing to be very silly outdoors in the neighborhood and didn’t care who saw it. Your interpretation adds a very different spin.
—I’m sure you mean “different social status”
—And probably you mean “the takeaway message of the video”
This is a strong first draft, albert, mostly because it sticks close to the visuals first and draws significant conclusions from the pictures alone. Let me know when you’ve made revisions and want a regrade.
Grade Code 9D4
Critique the critique: If you appreciate receiving feedback, albert, please reply to indicate whether you found the critique helpful or not, and if so, how it was helpful.
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I revised some days ago; however, I was logged out of counterintuitive before posting my comment. First of all, I would like to thank you for the feedback. Of course I would like some idiomatic feedback from you whenever you think is necessary, so far your comments have taught me some new words.
Now I have more understanding of the video with your comments. For instance, we never see who is the female at the park looking or who is looking at her between bars. Additionally, I found that each of the outside character in the video have a purpose. Nonetheless, beside the female at the park, which I think her role is to show the absence of fathers in their children life, and the candy seller representing the point of view of society when a male is alone with a little girl, I cannot find the role of the female watching the male on the trampoline. Maybe she is the reaction of society towards adoption of parents of the same sex, pretending that the male with the tie might be homosexual; however, she does not have any reaction in the video.
Maybe, but more likely she merely represents a society that views the man being silly on the trampoline. The message is that he doesn’t care who sees him act like a ballerina; the only audience that matters to him is the child.
—DSH
Thanks for the feedback, I would like to know your reaction with my revision and see if you have any comment about my doubts.
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Albert, I really like your method of first describing all that you can conclude from watching the video without sound, and only afterwards revealing what the voiceover taught you about the relationships between the men and the children.
With your permission, I have highlighted in red the essential grammar changes you’ll need to internalize to write fluent English. You’re making excellent progress. Thank you for endorsing this process.
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