Je Suis Sallcomp2
The sad face of Charlie Brown, who usually is very playful, with a great holiday spirit, shows the gravity of the attack on Charlie Hebdo. [That’s fine. Now, for readers who don’t know what you were assigned to write about, how will they know you’re referring to the cartoon in the header of this blog?] After the death of those 12 Parisians, [Again, fine, but will readers today remember that the 12 Parisians were cartoonists who drew Muhammad in obscene poses?] we saw very sad moments of the victims’ families crying; the entire world felt sympathy for the French. The phrase “I Am Charlie” is an expression of that solidarity.
The horrible murder of cartoonists at Charlie Hebdo was a reply to a funny drawing of the Prophet Mohamed (PSL) that offended the Muslim community. The attack changed something that is meant to be funny into a setback and terror. [Maybe these two sentences could be your first sentences, to quickly provide the background needed for your introduction. You’ll still have to explain the blog header though.] The parody became a weapon. The fact that it happened in the center of Paris, raises multiple questions on the security of the citizens. Does this attack mean security will be reinforced in the city or [it only exposes] [will it only expose] the weakness of the Parisian security? But out of all the questions, the most important one was how will Paris respond to this attack? The Parisians answered that question quick[ly] and clearly with their big mobilization in the center of the city. It shows that they are not scared to express their feelings, and count on [staying same] [doing so] even if they have [to] reinforce [the] security measures. This act of courage is represented in the heading of the blog; it only takes a little bit of thinking to see it.
It was the orange bold phrase “Je Suis Charlie[.]” The orange brings out a lot of energy, warmth and happiness because it is made with red and yellow. As basic Color-Psychology says, “[T]he color orange offers emotional strength in difficult times. It helps us to bounce back from disappointments and despair, assisting in recovery from grief.” This happened when all the French and the many people in other countries united to do the “Je Suis Charlie” walk in France. When people who are not French, cartoonists[,] nor satirists unite, it shows hope and strength after a terrible event. Perseverance and moral support was also featured in the movement.
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Counterintuitive Spring 2024 
Thank you, Sall, for posting while there’s still time for your classmates to benefit from the conversation we have here on this early assignment. As you may have learned from reading my comments on earlier posts by Moneytrees and madewithrealginger, I write feedback as I read so you get a “real-time” reaction from an engaged reader as I experience your writing.
Paragraph 1.
Sentence 1: A very general statement promising that emotions will be shared and described.
Sentence 2: Sadness explained as family grieving and international sympathy. (What was the purpose of the first sentence, I wonder? Did I need to be prepared for the second?)
Sentence 3: A very general statement promising, again, that emotional exchanges would be described. (I thought that’s what sentence 2 accomplished.)
Sentence 4. An equally general re-statement of sentences 1 and 3.
Overall, it seems the only sentence that carries any water is S2, Sall. The others make promises that somehow the header image will relate to the grief, but fail to deliver.
Paragraph 2.
Sentence 1. This could replace P1S1.
Sentence 2. Now THIS is interesting. The attack changed the nature of the cartoons. They were meant to be funny (or at least not terrifying), but they look like weapons now.
Sentence 3. I’m very puzzled about the sudden shift of emphasis to the center of Paris. Are you suggesting that violence of this sort, the massacre of civilians, is alien to cities, or to world capitals, or to countries outside the Middle East, or what exactly? Readers who care about your ideas want to know.
Sentence 4. You’ve made a VERY quick additional transition to the possible “upside” of a massacre. You owe us at least an inkling of how it might help, Sall. Will it make cartoonists, journalists, and publishers less likely to broadcast ideas that many would find offensive? Or will it bring about more “security measures” designed to protect citizens? You might mean either. We can’t tell.
Paragraph 3.
This is absolutely fascinating. I’m amazed at your appeal to color theory to describe the effectiveness of the image. If you chose to do a completely aesthetic analysis (including a review of the effectiveness of the color choices), you’d have a much more cohesive essay.
As it is, your paragraphs develop unrelated topics, Sall. You could either select topics that are more naturally related, or you could transition in such a way that we sense the connectedness of your several angles.
There’s a lot of good material here. Enough for a good first draft. Now begins the fun part: making it work to persuade readers of a clear and consistent point of view.
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Your work has benefited from revisions, Sall. I’m glad to see you’re committed to the process. This is your most accomplished work so far.
Grade Code 1D2
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This is not the grade you want, sall. Revisions highly recommended. Leave a feedback request when you’re ready.
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I am working on the other blogs right now, I can just attack this one afterward. A feedback would be greatly appreciated.
feedback was requested
Feedback provided. —DSH
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Grade was requested.
I did the rewrite also.
Grade provided.
Feedback provided. —DSH
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Hey sall. This is starting to get good.
P1. Your opening observation that the gravity of an attack has transformed a playful image into sadness establishes an important general theme. I also like that the world rallied in sympathy. (But you don’t actually SAY that the phrase “I Am Charlie” is an expression of that solidarity. Why not?)
P2. You also don’t mention that the cartoonists who were murdered at Charlie Hebdo were killed because of drawing “something that is meant to be funny.” In other words, you take for granted that your readers know EVERYTHING about the topic, which you cannot do.
Your paragraph does a nice job of describing the solidarity of Parisians against terror, but it doesn’t tell us what they’re reacting to. We have no idea from your essay that they’re thumbing their noses at terrorists who have already demonstrated they will kill those who oppose them.
P3. I’m still intrigued by the color analysis, but you can’t just talk about the color without acknowledging the meaning of the words. What does it mean when people who are not Charlie (they’re not cartoonists; they’re not Parisians; they’re not satirists) unite to proclaim: I Am Charlie!
Grade Code 9D4
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Thank you for this feedback, I’ll get on this tomorrow to meet your recommendations.
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feedback requested.
Feedback provided. —DSH
I made my notes in the body of the post, Sall.
I hope they’re helpful.
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