When first looking at the heading on this blog I immediately saw a strong representation of the many people who are tired, people who have been working so hard for a certain cause and are just exhausted. The fact that issues such as freedom of speech and freedom of expression are still relevant in such an updated era is mind blowing. The events that have previously taken place in France are sickening. I believe that it shouldn’t take such a large tragedy to occur for more people to become of aware of what is going on around them.
On the morning of January 7th two Islamist terrorists armed with assault rifles and other weapons forced their way into the offices of the satirical weekly newspaper Charlie Hebdo in Paris. They fired up to 50 shots, killing 11 people and injuring 11 others in the building, then killing a French National Police officer in the street outside while shouting “Allahu Akbar.” This slogan is Arabic and stands for “God is the greatest.”The gunmen identified themselves as belonging to Al-Qaeda’s branch in Yemen, which took responsibility for the attack.
On 11 January about 2 million people, including more than 40 world leaders, met in Paris for a rally of national unity, and 3.7 million people joined demonstrations across France. The phrase Je Suis Charlie (French for “I am Charlie”) was a common slogan of support at the rallies and in social media. It is obvious that a terrible event has taken place, many may ask why or how could someone do such a thing, what is the motive? What is it necessary? And when will these attacks end.
The Charlie Brown animation is tired. It can be seen all over his face, the look of disbelief, the eyebrows are lowered because of his saddened nature. Not only is it tired because of the ongoing fight for freedom in every way, it is also tired of standing up for a cause alone with little support. If the only support a cause gets is after a large massacre how can those who normally support it feel secure. The unfortunate events that have taken place at the Charlie Hebdo have caused a large affect in more then one aspect. Although it is a very controvertial topic the main concern is still the same. Freedom of speech, freedom of press, and freedom of expression are all subjects that i agree strongly with. It is a tired argument that needs to be put to rest, people need to realize the power of words and the power of thought. So much can be expressed through words and everyone should have that right, the right to share their feelings and ideas freely. Freedom of speech, even I can admit, is not always the right answer. Yes the newspaper was a very controversial one, but without our individuality what do we have? This is Charlie’s argument and by the look of this animation he is tired of fighting it.
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Counterintuitive Spring 2024 
bglunk, you didn’t request feedback on this post, so my remarks will be brief. First drafts are shredder fodder, as you know. Even the best must be torn down and replaced.
As you revise, separate your observations into small paragraphs, each addressing and developing a single topic. You’ve been asked to address three in particular: the cartoon, the combination of the cartoon with the text, the selection of the combined graphic as a header for a composition course blog. Avoid the temptation to begin each paragraph with a clunky, “Now, as for the combination of the cartoon with the text, this is what I believe.” Guide the reader subtly through the progression.
Your particular area of concern rhetorically will be your tendency to assume that your reader knows the background of your story. That’s understandable since you assume your only audience is this class and that we all know what you know, but your rewrite needs to address a wider audience. Provide them just enough background so that they’ll understand the context of your remarks.
In a very few words you can inform them that radical extremists slaughtered a dozen cartoonists and staff of a satirical French magazine in retribution for the publication of crass drawings of the prophet Muhammad and that since then the French, in solidarity with the cartoonists, have been using the slogan “Je Suis Charlie” to express their support for freedom of the press. They can read further if they want to. Part of your goal should be to intrigue them so that they find out more for themselves.
Do yourself a favor before you insist on unbridled freedom of the press, bglunk. Google image search: Charlie Hebdo cartoon Muhammad. Scroll for the full effect. Notice the shape of the prophet’s turban and face in every drawing. Experience the positions the drawings put him in. Defend the right of the magazine to deliberately provoke a group that is well known to react very violently. It’s defensible; I’m not trying to change your mind. But your own writing will benefit if you keep the drawings and the provocation in mind. It’s harder and more important to defend material that is deliberately offensive.
You’ve made a good start. You’re in command of your position. Now complicate things for yourself a bit and see what more you can do.
Grade Code 5D3
Grades are decoded at Professor Conferences.
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Thank you for the helpful feedback! I will definitely work on improving my writing with the tips you have given me.
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This is not the grade you want, bglunk. Revisions highly recommended. Leave a feedback request when you’re ready.
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okay i will make necessary revisions and then request feedback, thank you
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feedback was requested.
Feedback provided. —DSH
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There’s considerable improvement here, bglunk. However, in your first paragraph, for example, you say: “The events that have previously taken place in France are sickening.” In my earlier comments, I advised you that you could not take for granted that your readers know what you’re talking about. In the same eleven words, you could have said, “The recent massacre of cartoonists critical of Muhammad is sickening” with a word left over.
Other vague phrases in the same first paragraph include:
—working so hard for a certain cause
—such an updated era
—such a large tragedy
—what is going on around them
Your 2nd paragraph is better, but it owes too much to wikipedia:
On the morning of 7 January 2015 at about 11:30 local time, two brothers, Saïd and Chérif Kouachi, forced their way into the offices of the satirical weekly newspaper Charlie Hebdo in Paris. Armed with assault rifles and other weapons, they killed 11 people and injured 11 others in the building. After leaving, they killed a French National Police officer outside the building. The gunmen identified themselves as belonging to the Islamist Terrorist group Al-Qaeda’s branch in Yemen, who took responsibility for the attack.
So does paragraph 3:
On 11 January about 2 million people, including more than 40 world leaders, met in Paris for a rally of national unity, and 3.7 million people joined demonstrations across France. The phrase Je suis Charlie (French for “I am Charlie”) was a common slogan of support at the rallies and in social media.
Paragraph 4
This is much stronger, and much more clearly yours, bglunk. Where it succumbs to vagueness, though, it weakens substantially.
These sentences, for example, are almost useless:
The unfortunate events that have taken place at the Charlie Hebdo have caused a large affect in more then one aspect. Although it is a very controversial topic the main concern is still the same.
Your personal commitment is interesting to you, but not as much to readers:
Freedom of speech, freedom of press, and freedom of expression are all subjects that i agree strongly with. It is a tired argument that needs to be put to rest, people need to realize the power of words and the power of thought.
This gains strength in the last few words when it claims that words and thoughts have power. Its best sentence is the last:
So much can be expressed through words and everyone should have that right, the right to share their feelings and ideas freely.
You close with rhetorical flourish, which is fine. But the question weakens your claim. Replace it with a bold declarative.
Freedom of speech, even I can admit, is not always the right answer. Yes the newspaper was a very controversial one, but without our individuality what do we have? This is Charlie’s argument and by the look of this animation he is tired of fighting it.
Charlie’s argument isn’t a rhetorical question. It’s an obscene gesture. Don’t be obscene. But do be bold.
You’ve had your warning about unattributed quotations, bglunk.
You’re making progress here. Now, start asking for more feedback and commit yourself to more rewriting. I hope you can see the improvement between drafts and the need for continual effort.
Grade Code 8E1
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