A Case Study: Maintaining Control

Good writers know when they have the goods. They take control of the material, get the readers where they want them, and never let go.

The following paragraph has a brilliant opening. A brilliant opening of which anyone should be proud. A brilliant opening that goes wrong almost immediately and surrenders the ground it owned.

Women have to work harder in every aspect of life. Thankfully in today’s world, the fight for gender equality has progressed greatly. Despite this progression, there are still some kinks to work out, even in something that unites the world like sports. Throughout the years sports organizations and media have been under fire about the unfair treatment of genders and lack of female representation in televised sports. Women in sports have constantly fought to be represented and respected by not only their male counterparts but the world as a whole.

Women have to work harder in every aspect of life.

What a brilliant first sentence. It unapologetically maps out the territory and the rules. This writer is in command of the subject matter.

Thankfully in today’s world, the fight for gender equality has progressed greatly.

And then, gives it back. Women have had to work harder, BUT things are improving. I didn’t really mean it. Pay no attention to me.

Despite this progression, there are still some kinks to work out, even in something that unites the world like sports.

No, wait. women do still have to work harder while the kinks are worked out, even in sports, where we wouldn’t expect them to have to fight for equality.

Throughout the years sports organizations and media have been under fire about the unfair treatment of genders and lack of female representation in televised sports.

As I was saying in the first sentence, the Olympics, international sports leagues, media outlets, EVERYONE in fact, continues to treat women unfairly.

Women in sports have constantly fought to be represented and respected by not only their male counterparts but the world as a whole.

What was I thinking? “Gender equality has progressed greatly?” That’s what they WANT US to think! I call bullshit on that!

Women have to work harder in every aspect of life, INCLUDING INTERNATIONAL SPORT!

Where did the argument go wrong? Immediately after that brilliant opening sentence.