3 Counterintuitive Topics
Three sources | Three summaries
Topic One | Africa should screen Americans for measles
It seems counterintuitive that Africans would be more scared of the potential diseases Americans could carry than Americans are of illnesses coming from Africa. A viral tweet belonging to a Nigerian writer and lawyer named Elnathan John called America out on its inconsistencies with its procedures about measle vaccines and held out a hope that American travelers were screened before entering the country. Any immigrant looking for opportunities in America has to provide a series of documents proving that they were fully protected against measles or any other disease while Americans could easily sidestep the rule if vaccines were recommended for kids in schools, daycares, housing facilities, and colleges. It is proved by statistical numbers that Central American residents have higher rates of being vaccinated already compared to U.S residing occupants. Thousands of Central American children were even detained at the border and forced to get the measles vaccine even though it was highly likely that they received it once before. This scenario further pushes that Americans are more scared of diseases from the “outside” than the ones brewing from within.
Topic Two | Elephant Cruelty
It seems counterintuitive that an animal supposedly loved by millions of people would endure unimaginable abuse and lack of care behind every show curtain. A three-year-old Asian elephant named Kenny was due to perform tricks in a live circus but unfortunately was severely ill. It is said that elephants in the wild, especially younger ones, would still be by their mom’s side and exploring the world as it presents itself however, because this young elephant was in captivity, his interests related to only food and water. By federal regulation, sick animals are to report to medical attention and obtain approval from a vet to continue performing, Unfortunately, neither happened and the animal was forced to continue performing. This resulted in Kenny developing severe stomach complications, bleeding from the bottom, and fatigue, he was only prescribed antibiotics and later found on the concrete flooring, unresponsive. This triggered the owner to be sued but that would not hold through and be eventually forgotten. It’s counterintuitive that people would pay money to see animals that they “adore” but not bat an eye when their well-being is being called into question, but it’s just a show, right? Unfortunately, every attempt to change the animal protection law had fallen through and no justice for Kenny the baby elephant was obtained.
Topic Three | Do Tom’s Shoes Help Anybody?
It seems counterintuitive that the “buy one, give one” motto is heavily used by company marketing, but does it always mean that the company will stay true to its claims? When a shoe company called Toms used persistent marketing that “if you were to buy a shoe, you’d be giving a pair to another person in the world” a lot of sneaker and shoe heads found benefit in getting new shoes and adding a good deed to their belts. This same concept in models is recognized to be used in other companies that if you buy their products a tree would be planted, donations would be made, essentially any promise of good deed to encourage others to put money forth into an organization. It turns out that it’s risky to invest in companies that promise good intention when the companies themself provide very little information on how they plan to carry out the donations. As much as it’s advised that customers do their research before committing to a cause that claims to want to help others with profit, it’s expected that companies are fully transparent with their intention with the product, profit, and cause if the claims are prominent.
You’re doing nice work here, NatureChild. How some of your claims are supposed to relate to your overall thesis in each case is not always clear, but you manage to deliver three strong central messages that point out an oddity, a counterintuitive situation.
When you fail it’s almost always because of unclear phrasing. I’m going to isolate some sentences and phrases that reduce your grade but not tell you how to fix them. See if you can figure out why they might confuse a reader and improve them.
—Held out a hope that American travelers were screened before entering the country.
—Americans could easily sidestep the rule if vaccines were recommended for kids in schools, daycares, housing facilities, and colleges.
—higher rates of being vaccinated already compared to U.S residing occupants.
Topic Two | Elephant Cruelty
—supposedly loved by millions of people
—A three-year-old Asian elephant named Kenny was due to perform tricks in a live circus but unfortunately was severely ill. [It is said that elephants in the wild, especially younger ones, would still be by their mom’s side and exploring the world as it presents itself however, because this young elephant was in captivity, his interests related to only food and water. By federal regulation, sick animals are to report to medical attention and obtain approval from a vet to continue performing. ]
Unfortunately, neither happened and the animal was forced to continue performing.
That VERY long delay to set up the comparison is distressing for readers. There should be no space between WAS ILL and WAS FORCED TO PERFORM.
—It’s counterintuitive that people would pay money to see animals that they “adore” but not bat an eye when their well-being is being called into question, . . .
This assumes (big assumption) that your audience is aware of the abuse and that they don’t care. Clearly the trainer is aware and doesn’t care. That’s the more obvious contradiction
Topic Three | Do Tom’s Shoes Help Anybody?
—It seems counterintuitive that the “buy one, give one” motto is heavily used by company marketing, but does it always mean that the company will stay true to its claims?
You can’t get credit for a Counterintuitive RHETORICAL QUESTION. You need to make your own bold clear claim. In this case, does the company NOT give one for every one bought? If they do, they’re “staying true,” right?
—found benefit in getting new shoes and adding a good deed to their belts.
—This same concept in models is recognized
—to encourage others to put money forth into an organization.
—It turns out that it’s risky to invest in companies that promise good intention
“risky to invest in” means “you could lose your money if you buy their stock.”
—very little information on how they plan to carry out the donations.
That’s a different kind of risk altogether. The only risk is that a promised good effect does not materialize.
—a cause that claims to want to help others with profit
huh?
—companies are fully transparent with their intention with the product, profit, and cause if the claims are prominent.
huh?
What’s oddest about this summary is that it doesn’t dispute that Toms donates shoes. You seem to declare that they’re not delivering on their promise, but you don’t allege how they’re failing.
Provisionally graded. Revisions are always advised, and regrades are always available following significant improvement.
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