Visual Rewrite – juggler

Public Service Announcement –  Body Language – Wedding

  • The ad begins with a young white bride wearing a beautiful white lace dress, she is rubbing her hands together in a stiff nervous manner.  A white lace curtain hangs in the background as if she  is waiting inside a house or church.
  • Bridesmaids are sitting in a row each holding identical bouquets of beautiful colorful flowers waiting for the wedding to commence.
  • The groom is dressed in a suit he loosens his shirt around his neck,  he looks uncomfortable or he may even be hot or nervous.  The sun is shining with beautiful foliage in the background.
  • Two women took a deep breath, gasping for air as if they were overwhelmed with what they are watching.
  • The camera zoomed in on an older woman with salt and pepper hair focusing on her eyes filling up with water as she smiles with joy.
  • The bride is standing in front of her guest, she is wearing red lipstick and one string of pearls, her chest expands in and out as if she is taking a  deep breath.
  • The priest puts his hands together locking his fingers.
  • An older white woman with deep wrinkles in her face holds her hands under her chin with a big smile as if she just witnessed something beautiful.
  • The bride leans in with a big smile on her face as she kisses her new husband.
  • A white woman holding  a camera raises her hand for the bridal party to jump for a  picture.
  • An Asian man dressed in a suit with a white rose pinned to his lapel taps the microphone with a smile waving his arms as if he is requesting silence so he can speak.
  • He said something funny, a young white lady is rolling her eyes as  the camera pans over and shows another woman covering her mouth with her right hand as she shrugs her shoulders.
  • A young lady with dark skin raises her hand to cover her mouth so no one can see what she is saying and whispers into what appears to be her mother’s ear.   The women are showing an expression of being surprised or even disgusted.
  • A man with earphones who appears to be rallying the crowd by waiving his hands in the air, bouncing up and down as he dances to the music.  The white lights show that it is dark outside.
  • An older white woman dressed in a green dress with sequins is dancing giving the thumbs up as if she liked what was going on or she just may have a nervous twitch.
  • The guest and the bridal party are raising their glasses of champagne laughing, smiling and just having a great time.
  • A man dressed in a suit with his back facing the camera holding a piece of strawberry short-cake, or wedding cake on a small plate drops his plate as if he lost his balance or someone bumped into him.
  • A white woman with medium length blonde appears sad and the right side of her face is drooping.
  • A white middle-aged man with a belly in a black shirt and light-colored pants with a goatee lifts his left arm. A side profile of a white woman says something and the words “Speech Difficulty” appear on the screen together.
  • Picture of a phone appears demonstrating how to dial 911.
  • Learn the body language and spot a stroke fast.

Learn sudden signs and spot a Stroke FAST

F-Face Drooping, A-Arm Weakness, S-Speech Difficulty and
T-Time to call 911

It’s counterintuitive to think that an ad with a happy bride, dancing, champagne toast, and tears of joy can send a message about having a “Stroke,” right?   Well, the creator of this ad was clever and was able to draw the viewer in and focus on a joyful occasion.  Even though the ad didn’t have much dialogue, the soft music pulled you in and allowed the viewer to focus on the actors facial expressions and body language.

Body language is an amazing instrument that all humans share and it’s clear to see that having a “stoke” or being “happy” are two completely non-verbal messages.

Published on Nov 27, 2012

URL-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssdAuj5HQKM

This entry was posted in Assignments. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Visual Rewrite – juggler

  1. jugglercomp2's avatar jugglercomp2 says:

    Feedback was requested.
    Feedback provided. —DSH

    I had trouble reposting the rewrite. So, I had to post as a new entry. Not sure if this is correct.

    Like

  2. davidbdale's avatar davidbdale says:

    That’s lucky, juggler. You were supposed to publish this assignment as a new post, so that worked out.

    Like

  3. davidbdale's avatar davidbdale says:

    This is very nicely done, juggler.

    Though you refrain from interpreting much of what you tell us is on the screen, enough of your language indicates that the early shots contribute without words to an overall sense of joy and shared celebration.

    The introduction about halfway through of ethnic identities appears to be an important message, but you don’t redeem that possibility. I wonder if it might mean that strokes don’t discriminate.

    I’m writing my notes without watching the video, so I’m reacting only to what you tell me. Is “Speech Difficulty” the only caption identifying a symptom of stroke? This is an important component of the visual argument. If the other symptoms can be SEEN, but the speech difficulty can only be HEARD, then the creator of the video had to adopt a strategy to communicate that. The ad is called “body language,” but body language fails to communicate that symptom. Right?

    Your wrapup paragraphs are just right, juggler. They analyze just enough to reinforce for us what we need to know to comprehend the message.

    Your observation that body language can express a wide range of both emotions and physical symptoms is a nice one.

    Grade Code 6E5
    Grades are decoded at Professor Conferences.
    Make an appointment at the Conferences page, 24 hours ahead.

    Like

  4. davidbdale's avatar davidbdale says:

    Also, would you like some advice on eliminating your wandering verb tenses?

    Like

    • jugglercomp2's avatar jugglercomp2 says:

      Yes, please.

      Like

      • davidbdale's avatar davidbdale says:

        I’ve highlighted the verbs that violate tense rules, juggler. I’ll come back in a while and see if you’ve had time to revise any of them. You may be able to fix them all if you just needed to see where the problems were. I’ll give you a chance to do that.

        In general, you’ve started in the present tense, so you want to stay in the present tense. Obviously, other tenses are required, even when the “home tense” is the present.

        For example, after sunrise, when using the present tense, but describing a past action, I might still have to say:
        —It looks as if the sun has risen.
        “looks” is present; “has risen” is the present perfect.

        After sunrise, when using the past tense and describing an event even further in the past, I would say:
        —It looked as if the sun had risen.
        “looked” is present; “had risen” is the past perfect.

        On the other hand, during sunrise, when using the present tense to describe a present action, I would say:
        —It looks as if the sun is rising.
        “looks” is present; “is rising” is the present progressive.

        This might be enough for you, but I’ll be happy to help further with any highlighted verbs you don’t change on your own.

        You could leave me another reply when you’re ready for me to review your changes.

        Like

Leave a comment