Having rights to express oneself has become an undeniable right in many countries today. When those rights have been violated there is often public outcry for the situation to be handled accordingly. This is what happened on January 7th, 2015 and the weeks that would follow. A huge movement spawned in a few days gathering support from millions of people including well-know celebrities to state figure-heads that were willing to back those who had lost their right to express themselves because of terrorist acts committed against Charlie Hebdo, a cartoonist publication. One such example of the movement is a phrase and a picture but together by a supporter to advocate for the correction of atrocities that happened on that day. This phrase and picture stated “Je Suis Charlie” with a picture of the character Charlie Brown looking at you.
Charlie Hebdo illustrated the Prophet Muhammad and a religion in ways that some people who held the beliefs of this religion thought was offensive and disgusting. They therefore planned an attack to take out the publication headquarters in order to prove that no one can talk bad about their religion and get away with it. Since the attack took place, people have called this an infringement of a persons right to freely express their opinions on certain topics without the risk of being attacked and they called for action against those who perpetrated the terrorist attack on Charlie Hebdo. People’s rights have been taken away and action should be taken as soon as possible against these perpetrators. The phrase “Je Suis Charlie” is one of many ways people are fighting back against the terrorist.
The phrase stands for courage and determination of the people who will bring those in the wrong to justice. It says we are not afraid of you, this is who we are and we want you to see us. We will not back down because you have threatened us but will stand up and announce ourselves to the world and fight back. It brings people into the movement and shows solidarity between those who want to fight back. The image along with this phrase shows our vexation with what they have done. The face of Charlie Brown shows disgust and disapproval, his posture unfazed but what they have done. What the terrorist has done to Charlie Hebdo Headquarters does not distraught him.
What the cartoonist and designer intended by putting the phrase and picture together was to bring those who support the movement closer by giving them something to stand for. A slogan and a sign to express how they feel so everyone may understand their movement. While the intentions of the professor was more straight forward because he needed to give his students an assignment and thought this would be a good subject for us to write about given the controversial nature of the topic.
My reaction to this topic was simply one of understanding and empathy for those involved I felt no need to support or defend what was going on because I do not have the necessary information to make a judgement on which side to support. My views did not stem from any religious or political views but an analytical standpoint. I took what information was available to me and used it to the best of my knowledge to make a logical argument on what I believe this topic stood for. I believe in free speech for all and condemn those who choose to try and take that right away.
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Counterintuitive Spring 2024 
feedback was requested =]
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–DSH
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Hey, betterthanyou, I’m going to break with my own tradition and begin with global comments (overall essay) first, then offer some local (paragraph and sentence level) feedback. My hope is that while revising to respond to the global critique you’ll make enough changes so that the smaller local blemishes will disappear. Once the post shapes up, we can concentrate on minor copy-editing matters of grammar and punctuation. I’ll still identify the paragraphs in my comments as P1, P2, etc.
Global comments:
I didn’t make any format recommendations in the original assignment, betterthanyou, since I wanted everyone to have an unrestricted opportunity to post whatever strong material interested you most in a first draft. But since this course is all about revising for improvement, I’d recommend that you corral your several topics into a more organized rewrite.
You spend a lot of time providing background, which would be valuable to a reader who needs it. If that interests you as a goal, you’ll need to research the topic to be more accurate and detailed in your report. I have to say, the tone of your reporting betrays your lack of real interest. The verbs you choose (having rights) (has become a right) (there is often and outcry) (this is what happened) (one such example of the movement) (this phrase and picture state) are bland and disengaged. Don’t feel obligated to produce a report that doesn’t interest you. It’s not the best way to get your readers to engage with you if they can tell your heart isn’t in it.
Let me say further that background information is only valuable when it is used as persuasion. Readers won’t wade through paragraphs of statements recounting events until they’re hooked into a line of reasoning they think is worth following. Yours is not evident in the early going. That’s why the paragraphs seem blank.
You might understandably reply that you can’t begin a persuasive argument with readers until you’re sure they know all the necessary facts, but you’d be mistaken. Better writers provide the background right when it’s needed, in the context of the argument.
Allow me to illustrate with some material from P3:
The phrase “Je Suis Charlie” is a battle cry and a rallying call for the millions of people, French and otherwise, who condemn the killings of the Charlie Hebdo cartoonists by radical extremists in Paris last month.
See what I mean? Even if that were the very first sentence of your essay, you wouldn’t leave any readers mystified by the context: you provide the background at the same time you address the assignment, which was to analyze the graphic—the cartoon and the slogan combined. A followup sentence could address the cartoon:
The middle-aged Charlie Brown who glares out from the graphic is disgusted at the atrocity that was committed, but also defiant. “We will not back down from horror,” his posture says.
I’m using your own material here, betterthanyou, just rearranged. Once you make clear what Charlie is demanding, you can express your solidarity with his attitude and philosophical position without apologizing for not knowing much about the situation yourself. You can examine the naked merits of freedom of speech, balanced against cooperation among races and creeds, and never have to declare yourself to be in favor of, or in opposition to, the particulars of the case at hand, if that’s your preference.
I hope this will help you get started on a rewrite that puts your strenuous point of view at the top of your agenda (and at the top of your page). We writers are beggars. We can’t take for granted that readers will still be with us for Paragraph 5 if we don’t feed them something they want in P1, P2, . . . .
Local Comments:
You tend to be wordy. A particularly good example, but only one example, is your substitution of “people who held the beliefs of this religion” for “muslims.”
A one-sentence model:
This sentence illegally mixes the singular “a person” with the plural “their opinions,” a common error based on our refusal to use the male pronoun exclusively. It used to be legal to say “a person’s right to freely express his opinions,” but that’s considered sexist now.
It’s debatable that many people actually believe what you say they do. Most people will claim we all have a right to freely express ourselves, but the same people understand that with that freedom comes risk. We don’t really have the right to say whatever we want without risk of retaliation. In other words, I have a right to take a stick into the woods for poking bears . . . .
I hope I’ve been able to offer helpful advice and illustrate some techniques without seeming to compel you to choose my way. If you can find another way to engage your readers early (so that they remain your readers later), by all means do.
Grade Code 2Y4
Critique the critique: If you appreciate receiving feedback, please reply to indicate whether you found the critique helpful or not, and if so, how it was helpful.
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This is not the grade you want, betterthanyou. Revisions highly recommended. Leave a feedback request when you’re ready.
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